


To the Pain

by Phoenix02



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blame twins, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, F/F, F/M, Finn is a douche, Fluff, Grief, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, Lexa & Bellamy are bros, Pain, Soulmates, The Delinquents, the ties that bind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 13:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19020751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix02/pseuds/Phoenix02
Summary: An unexpected death brings Lexa back home to face her demons and stop running from her past. She hopes to reconnect with her Delinquents and Clarke. The death of Clarke’s mom, Mama G devastates them all. She is drawn back to Clarke like a moth to a flame.





	To the Pain

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Let me know what you think.

The warm wind shifts and sends a chill through me that has nothing to do with the temperature. It’s been many years since I have returned to this place. The tightness in my chest and the anxiety has been building since I left my home this morning. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t drawn to this place by some unseen force. It’s been years since I fled this town like a thief in the night. Years since I thought I had closed Pandora’s Box. You can never truly outrun your past. It finds a way of creeping up on you . It invades your dreams, which inevitably give way to nightmares. Then it isn’t long before thoughts and memories find their way into your waking consciousness. I’ve spent far too long thinking I can run or hide from my past. It may be difficult to face a past in which you have been hurt, but it’s excruciating to face a past in which you yourself have caused pain. No one wants to face the deepest darkest skeletons in their closet. As I sit here now, in the grass of these eerily silent grounds it’s hard to ignore the screams in my head. I have little control as my mind drifts back to a memory of who I once was. I drift back to a time when I was so naïve, so trusting, so oblivious to the downward slide I was about to fall into. Pain is the one constant I thought I could rely upon throughout life. For as long as I can remember I have always been in pain. I have worn it like a soft comfortable hoodie. Pain has been an unseen companion. Please don’t misunderstand though, it has not been a welcome companion. Who in their right mind would ask for pain. There in lies the rub… no one asks for pain… but pain doesn’t care in the least. It makes itself at at home… it invades your life. My genetic disorder causes my joints to slip out of place. It has robbed me of all the preconceived notions about life that I have had. Life is funny that way. I’m currently sitting in a cemetery talking to myself. I can imagine how silly I must look. The death of a loved one can have such a distractedly different effect upon people. I can only vaguely imagine how different so many lives would have been if I had only known then… what I know now. As I sit here I reach into the the grocery bag I brought and pull out two cold Budweiser bottles. I open one for J and sit it against his tombstone. I pull out a pack of Marlboro reds and place a lone cigarette on the top of his beer. I take out a cigarette n roll it between my thumb and index finger. Before I can get far too lost in thought, I hear a familiar voice that causes me to smile despite my haunted memories.

“Got one of those beers for me Lex?” Bell says. Bellamy is more like a brother than an old friend. He’s my heart. He stands tall, smiling down at me with a huge smile on his face. 

“Sure thing Bell! Smoke a cig with me. Look at you! Still been a regular at the gym I see, the girls must love the hair” I say laughing. As if on cue he runs his hands through his shaggy hair, pushing it out of his face. A smirk grows on his face as he fires back “yeah, but it’s not the same without my wing man! I’ve really missed you.” He reaches down , pulling me to my feet, before enveloping me in a bone crushing bear hug. 

“Can’t breathe…” I breathe out.

“Sorry! It’s just been to long”

Bellamy and I met years ago when I first found my way to this town not far from DC. He and his twin sister Octavia are the only two people who knew I was coming home after all this time. Bell and I shared a house together back then. We would find our way to different bars almost nightly. Everyone knew us and we loved it, as if we didn’t have a care in the world. A sigh escapes my lips as my brow furrow. I move to sit down resting my back against the cool granite of Jay’s tombstone. Bell slides down beside me. It’s been almost ten years since Jasper died and most of the time it feels like it was yesterday. Grief is not something you ever get over. You just learn to live with it. I left 10 years ago after his funeral and another funeral is what brings me back. 

“I can feel you staring Bell…”  
“ Yeah? Well I can hear you thinking…”  
“Touché”  
“Do they know how she died?” My voice cracks as a single tear runs down my face. Bell drapes an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in so I’m tucked into his side.   
“She died in her sleep, a heart attack. At least Mama G didn’t suffer.” He turns to place a kiss on my temple and hugs me close. He is quite literally my platonic soulmate. He turns to look at me and says “you’re still thinking very loudly.”

I sigh and reply “I should have come home sooner. I missed our crew so much but this place… this place was so toxic to me back then. Everything happened all at once! Costia, then J died, and then Finn happened. I ran, like a coward. I ran and convinced myself I could just bury all that deep down and never look back. Yet, in doing so I walked away from the people that meant the most to me… I left mama G and the bar, I left our delinquent crew and I left Clarke Bellamy. They probably won’t even want to see me. “

“You know they would love to see you. It doesn’t matter how long it has been Lex. We all love you and no one holds it against you for leaving. Most people could never understand all the pain and anguish you have had to endure, both physically and mentally.” A smirk grows on his lips and he says “and as for Clarke… we all know you two are meant for each other. No amount of time is gonna change that. You still love her don’t you? Are you blushing!?!” He barely stifles a laugh, shaking his head. “Look Lex, Mama G may have been Clarke’s bio mom but she was a mom to all of us at the restaurant. She “adopted” of us delinquents. She saw something in all of us and gave us a place to feel at home. We all need each other right now. Hell they need you. Clarke needs you. I need you. So what do you say? Ready to slam this last beer with J and go home?”

Bell raises his beer, tapping it against mine “To the pain?”   
“Always Bell… to the pain.”


End file.
